wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
