Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hippo gnu deer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My vagina is officially offended.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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