I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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