If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
