guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex