Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?