I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself