her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?