you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
