Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
