i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
