I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
