Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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