his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you will always have a special place in my vag
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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