I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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