please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
