I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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