I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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