wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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