I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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