Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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