..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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