you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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