this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up