Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
