Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
