There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
