Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
