we have officially lost it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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