so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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