oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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