apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
