When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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