he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
