I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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