There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!