i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have tasted many bathrooms