He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.