Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.