youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there