I was born with a shot glass in my hand
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.