can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd