My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth