My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.