I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE