The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.