dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice