Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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