I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
