bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
