Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
