I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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