I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
