I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk is a universal language darling
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