you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
