R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.