the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.