There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house