Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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