I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
