Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
