the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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