My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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