Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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