I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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