Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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