the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
